For anyone in the middle of a divorce or custody matter, at any stage, including years after

Where are you right now?

A free map of the twelve stages of divorce and custody, so you can find the one you’re standing in and know what’s worth asking about this week.

Most guides assume you’re at the beginning. Almost nobody is. People arrive in the middle, or years after everything was signed, or standing in a stage they can’t name.

So this one is a circle. Find the sentence that sounds like the one in your head right now, turn to that page, and start there. You don’t have to read the rest.

Every stage has a question in it that nobody warns you about in advance.

Which one sounds like you?

“I’m just looking.” The googling, usually at 2am with the phone face down.
“Can I afford this?” Including the difference between a retainer and a total cost, because they’re not the same number.
“Temporary for how long?” The arrangement running when everyone gets tired is very often the one that stays.
“Ten years from now?” Every place a plan says “the parents will agree” with nothing written after it.
“This doesn’t fit anymore.” New job, new school, a fourteen-year-old with opinions. The order didn’t change. Everything around it did.

What each stage page gives you

The sentence people tend to be saying at that point
What the stage actually is, in plain language
What’s worth noticing and writing down
Questions to take to an attorney, because that’s who decides
Where to look next, free and paid

Try it now

Finish this sentence: “Right now I’m mostly wondering ______.”

Whatever you wrote is your stage. The guide tells you what usually comes with it.

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This is one parent’s map of a process, not advice about your case. I’m not an attorney. It helps you name where you are and what to ask; an attorney licensed in your state decides what any of it means for you. It contains no state law, no forms and no recommendations.

Read before downloading

This is an educational publication, not legal advice and not a substitute for an attorney. The author is not an attorney. Downloading does not create an attorney-client relationship, and no information shared with the publisher is protected by attorney-client privilege. Family law is state law and varies significantly; some stages described here may not exist in the same form where you live. If a move is any part of your question, talk to an attorney first.

Go directly to a licensed family law attorney if any of the following applies: domestic violence; an active or contemplated protective order; coercive control; stalking; substance abuse; CPS or DCFS involvement; abuse allegations, substantiated or not; an active mental health crisis; or international abduction risk.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Free, confidential, 24 hours a day. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, any time. In immediate danger: 911, always.

License. This guide is free. You may share it in full, unmodified. Excerpting, modifying, reselling, and use as AI training material are prohibited.

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